sexta-feira, 16 de março de 2012

I was the last one standing, and then I left you.

And I was here all along, listening to him brag about how he was better than us all, listening to him tell me how much he loved her, listening to him tell me how much he hated her.
I was here, but now I´m leaving. And I know for a fact that he won’t follow. He’s got this thing about him, where anyone else doesn’t matter and I’m just tired of that.
I know I´m supposed to stick around, I am his best friend and all. But really, does he even listen to himself sometimes?
I wonder if he realizes why she left him. It’s quite obvious to me. And yet he is as blind as a little baby.
He has never hated her, he is just saying that. He forgets he’s talking about my friend too, and someone I know just as well as he does. Although, I begin to think that for all this love he supposedly felt for her, if he did actually know her at all. How could he possibly not see that her moving had nothing to do with him? There’s a whole world outside of this place and she just wanted to see it. He should be supportive of that. He should want to see it with her or at least tell her to follow her dreams. Not tell her she is a fool and that her place is behind him.
He actually used the world behind. As if he was some sort of superior being who could be in front while she stayed in the shadows, doing everything he asked of her. That had never been her.
Unfortunately, that was becoming me. And I wasn’t going to let that happen. So before that happened, and before I could let him turn me into some nineteenth century proper lady, I left too.
I wonder how long it will take him to realize he is wrong, or that I also left. He probably will not. I´m not fit into his fantasy of perfection. He didn´t even love me like he loved her and yet we became this. And stupid me, I stayed for way longer that I should have.
I know him, I knew what was expecting me. History was repeating itself and before I knew he was going to place me at the spot she left. A spot I never wanted. I spot I don´t want. I spot I dread.
So, good bye, my friend. I promised I’d never leave you but the truth is… how can I be leaving you when you never actually cared enough to notice? I hope you grow now that I´m gone. I hope you realize you’re wrong. I hope you realize you still love her or that you finally admit that you are not the only and most important of beings. I´ll miss you, there were some fun moments at least.

quinta-feira, 8 de março de 2012

In honor of Internation Women´s day a short story about gender violence.


He grabbed her leaving a bruise on her petit arms. “Did I ever say anything to make you think that?” His voice sounded strong, without fear. It felt weird to her that even though she was about to leave he still acted as if he owned the world.
 She forced her arms away. Her arms hurt.
“It´s not necessarily what you say, but how you say it”. And how you act, she meant to say as well, but angering him more would not be effective towards her goal.
“You can´t really think that I mean that, though?” His voice tried to sound sweet. But she was too used to his faking sweetness to believe it.
“Yes, you do. You always try to apologize, but in the end, you still think I´m just a little girl who knows nothing about what she is talking about. And I hate that. It makes me want to scream at you, but I don’t, because screaming has never accomplished anything between us. And now I just want to leave”. She left a lot unsaid. Yes, he had never physically hurt her. Except her arm – it hurt. But she expected him to do something worse than just tell her ‘the food was almost ok today’ sometime soon. One day the food was really going to be ‘almost ok’, someday she‘d be late from work, someday even she might just forget something. Was her arm an example of what could come?
“But you must know I love you”. He replied, with that same tone he always used to say it, like a doll she used to have when she was little ‘I love you’, ‘I like you’, ‘I need you’.
“Loving me and treating me like a child are not multiply exclusive but it’s not something I can live with. Not anymore”. She had to go away. She had to leave. Sooner rather than later.
“And if I really was so condescending, do you think leaving is going to make me think you have grown up?” She didn’t know if she was sad or happy that he had finally practically admitted. He did think she was just a little girl in need of teaching, training, inferior to him in every way. Except she is not. He is wrong. Falling in love with him had been a mistake she had finally realized. Hopefully it was not too late. She knew how hard it was to leave men like him behind. She hoped she could be strong. She was glad she had asked for help. None of her friends had seen him for what he was. She hadn’t either. How could she. He was everything she had ever dreamed about - until he wasn’t.
“No, but the point is that it isn’t about what you think, it’s about what I do. I want out. I can’t live knowing you’ll keep treating me like that. Because I know what you really think, behind all those nice words. Words are empty, your actions matter, and they talk much louder than the pretty little lines you keep repeating to me”.
“So you’re really going. I’ve got no say on that?”
 He left no time for her to reply and tried to grab her arm once again. She was hoping it wouldn´t come to this. She had been prepared. They had told her he might turn on her. She had her mobile phone on her, but he grabbed for her purse quicker than she could.
She ran.
That was all she could do.