What was
wrong with her? Her mind kept consuming all energy she had, even when she was
wide awake. He had made a fool of her and she still wished him close at all
times. Mostly, she wanted him close when it hurt, even if he was the reason for
most of her pain, even if he was probably why she had forgotten how to behave,
how to breathe, how to stand among the crowd that now stared at her waiting for
an answer she could not give.
How long
had passed since his arrival she was not positive. It certainly had not been as
many as she had felt in her heart. He had caused all this - his greed, his
hunger for power and money. She had tried to warn him against his own actions,
but instead of seeing her, all he saw was an opponent to his gain.
He had
made her feel like a child, lost and looking for someone else to explain what
she had done wrong. She could not explain why he was so blind to what he was
doing. All the deaths he caused because he wanted a little land. All the tears
in small children’s faces all because he believed in something they did not.
Yet she
loved him. She thought he could once again see the light. She knew him so well,
she believed he still could realize that he had to stop and admit he was wrong.
He needed to retreat and allow others to fix all the wrong he had done.
She only
wished she was brave enough to inform him, once again, of that.
She
closed her eyes and spoke, like a prayer to those around her, words of wisdom.
Her heart allowed her a minute of calmness as she spoke, and she refused to
look at his approving yet condescending stare.
The crowd
applauded. They believed in peace and equality as much as she did. She tried to
avoid a glance at his position, but she could not stop her own body from
moving. Her hand had glued itself to the table and she slowly sat, looking down
but feeling a dozen eyes upon her.
She could
not sense him. She felt relieved. The way she felt when he was close did not
allow her to fell dignified. And he shouldn’t even be here. It was his entire
fault! His bad decisions had caused this war. He should have been kept away
while they decided how to solve it. Especially since he doesn’t think it should
end.
And she
looked once again at his figure. His long dark hair had grown even more and she
liked that. But she had to focus. A resolution had been made. No more war. No more him. Reason and peace would win this
war. And she would not allow her heart to triumph. Much better men then he
could come - men that would not break her and cause destruction on everything
else.
